my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
