i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
