Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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