i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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