you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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