Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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