I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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