Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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