So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That's intense
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
