Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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