Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
