There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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