I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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