im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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