Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
