I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
