i think my mom watched the whole time
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
