My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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