I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
