I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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