worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
