Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
