i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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