Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
