Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
