Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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