just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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