DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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