Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
