I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
