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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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