i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
