ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
