woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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