True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
