I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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