my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Everclear isn't food dammit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
