cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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