My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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