your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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