Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
