i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
