Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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