you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How's work?
Spinning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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