her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
there is puke in my bra ... again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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