Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You ate ashes out of my bong
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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