On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
