real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
as a side note pls kill me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
