he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
