Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
