I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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