so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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