Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
only you would photoshop your dick
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
