i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my liver is dry heaving
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I deserve this hangover.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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