You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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