winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
