fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
