Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
