Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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