You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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