I got chris browned last night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
