If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
