i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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