Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
