you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
