so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
