u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
