I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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