Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
