I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
