Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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