everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
