All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
