he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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