final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize