That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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