Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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