trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize