Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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