the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
